So, I know that it has been a hot minute since I posted on my blog; I think lockdown and work just got the best of me. However, I have been feeling a bit shit recently, and I thought everyone might like a life update, so here we are.
I had a little breakdown the other week, where I realised I had achieved nothing during the lockdown, and everyone I know had taken up a new hobby or tried to better themselves. Me, however, became the worst version of myself, where I slipped back into my old habits of feeling incredibly shitty.
I was eating more, drinking more and slipped back into that rut where I just didn’t care about anything anymore. However, this soon caught up to me when I realised I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. The way I look has always bothered me to some extent, and recently I have never felt so ugly.
I know that you may be thinking that I am being too hard on myself, or want to preach some self-love bullshit at me, but that was exactly how I was feeling. Throw it back a few years ago, I was so confident, and really didn’t care what people thought of me. At the moment, I feel like everyone is judging me, no-one compliments me (apart from my boyfriend, but that doesn’t count). This lead me to really criticising myself at every level. Even just standing up in the office or walking through town, I felt like everyone was laughing at me. What really set me off though, was when I realised people were sending my Instagram stories to each other; I knew that I had become someone’s joke.
That really isn’t a vibe, so over the last week, I have been picking myself up and trying to lose the weight once and for all. This is one of my main issues; I feel like a whale. I don’t feel confident in my body at all. I have always gone around in this cycle since I was probably about 17/18. I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, whether I was restricting myself, trying some stupid diet product or even living off maple syrup, lemon juice and ginger; not consuming any type of food for ten whole days.
This time it is going to be different, I think I have finally found an exercise I actually enjoy, I am trying to not let the scales bother me, I am eating better and drinking less alcohol.
My whole point of this blog is to not just share my personal thoughts but to also help anyone else who is feeling a bit shit, as I know I’m not alone on this.
I have always been the kind of girl to throw around compliments to try and help people feel good about themselves, as I know what it is like to have one simple compliment give you such a boost. Just letting someone know they look nice, could do so much more than you know.
I am going into the second half of the year more determined than ever before, with my confidence coming back each day.