Do you ever have those days where you just want to cry at everything? Well, that has been me all year. What is more frustrating is that I can’t tell you why because I don’t even know why my myself.
2018 has been a weird year, full of up and downs which has really made me question who I am and how I feel about myself. I don’t want to this post to sound cliche, but I think 2018 has changed me massively. So, you may be wondering why has this year been so terrible? It hasn’t been physically for me but more mentally…
Let’s get one thing straight, as far as I know, I do not suffer from any sort of mental health problems, and I don’t think that I do suffer, but 2018 has tested me emotionally. I don’t know if it’s because I am getting older and I am seeing things more clearly, but something has really changed in me this year. So, if you are still reading, I thought I would list some of the bad things which have happened, mainly so that I can learn from it.
Smear Scare Part 2
Back in February, I had my first ever smear test which ended up scaring me a little (you can read about it here). Anyway, my initial smear came back saying that I had abnormal cells in my cervix which needed to be removed, so I went ahead and had that done. Then I went back for my follow-up smear, and the same thing happened again. The whole thing drained me emotionally and it was hard to focus on anything else at the time. Like, this is a scary thing for anyone to go through, but you will be glad to know that everything is now all good and there were no signs of any abnormal cells after my follow-up smear. I can not emphasise how important it is for you gals to go and get your smears done!
So 2017 was awesome for me I managed to lose 4 stone and actually felt pretty good about myself. However, this year, all I have done is eat my emotions and have managed to gain a stone of that back. I feel horrible, self-conscious and I am really hating how I look at the moment, but hey, I did it to myself.
So my skin this year has been awful and it seems to be ever since I got my contraceptive implant changed. This is something I have been really self-conscious even though I have tried and tried to make it better. However, I think this goes back to the weight-gain bit, as I have been eating awful food and not exercising at all.
You may be thinking these aren’t third-world problems, but I’m not trying to say that they are, but a lot of these factors have contributed to me having a terrible year. And no, I am not writing this for attention, I just wanted to let people know that is okay not be okay.
Although this year has been awful, there have been some real positives as well. My boyfriend and I bought our first home together, he has stuck with me through thick and thin and has been such a saviour during the hard times. That is why for his sake, I am going to ensure 2019 is a better year.
So going into 2019, I am going to try and change. I am going to lose that weight and take better care of myself, and not let people tell me how I should be feeling. I am not going to worry about having a little shower cry every now and then or be afraid to say how I am really feeling. I am also going to work my arse off at work, on my blog and try and smash life.
So, 2018 may have been a terrible year, but I am going to make sure 2019 is the best one yet! *cringe*