Another blog post about my feelings YAY! I know that everyone loves to be nosey, and find out what is really going on in my head, that’s why you read it, right?
Anyway, I am having a little bit of a weird time at the moment, where I have had some time to think about how people tend to perceive me. Usually, I really don’t give a shit, but as I am getting older, I feel like I have fewer people to rely on. I will be the first to say that I might not be the easiest person to get on with, but I feel like people see me as a raging bitch and a difficult person in general, so much so, I don’t feel very wanted anywhere. I really do try my hardest to be nice and go out of my way to make people happy, but I feel so put aside the majority of the time.
This brings up a whole lot of feelings I have where I feel like some people play favourites and this brings me down so much, especially when I am really trying my hardest. Deep down I know who I am, and I know I am not a bad person, so I find it hard when people first meet me and don’t like me?
People make jokes to me, saying ‘I’m a pain in the arse’ or ‘I’m bitchy’, and I just don’t think this is true. I know that I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, but when you try to be as nice as everyone else, but everyone still perceives you this way, it hurts a little bit. I feel like I can read people really well, and most of the time I can see people giving me the cold shoulder, especially in social situations, like no-one really gives a shit about what I have to say? I end fading into the background with a lot of people not even realising I’m not even there.
You may find this hard to believe as I usually talk so much, but in a situation where I feel uncomfortable and know that people aren’t to keen on me, this is what happens. At the moment, I am completely fed up with the sly sassiness of people, and those people who make me feel like shit for no reason at all. At the end of the day I might end up lonely because of the person I am, but I am so over it and over the people who look down their nose at me for no reason at all.
When someone seems strong on the outside, but after constantly battling against sly comments and people not giving a shit, it really wears you down after a while. I really don’t understand why people don’t like me, yes I may have a resting bitch face, and say how I feel, but I would never intentionally do something to hurt someone else’s feelings?
I really do feel misunderstood the majority of the time, whether that is made out for me to look stupid, a bitch or not a very nice person. In reality, I would go to the end of the earth for the people I care about, and never intentionally do anything that I know would really upset someone else.
I feel like we all need to be a lot kinder to each other, and not judge a book by its cover and maybe take the time to speak with the people you may not think you will like, you might surprise yourself…
Anyway, this seems a blog when I am rambling, but like I said I’m done with it all! It looks like I will always be a Marmite kind of girl!